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It is amazing that a lot of guys out there don’t know how to do a little small talk. I guess it could be a nervous feeling that causes the brain to go blank. I know you view that as a bad thing, but isn’t that what Buddha was trying to achieve? I guess he would of suggested living in the moment.
I mentioned in a previous post about conversation and that you need to converse in such away that sort of forces the other person to add. The problem a lot of guys get into, especially when nervous, is that they ask close ended questions. What’s your major? Where you from? Etc. All these questions will get a 1 word response, which isn’t going to help you in small talk. Unless she’s really a “talker”, the conversation will go stale.
They key is to just keep conversation reciprocal and in such a way where you force her to share more. The word “force” makes it sound bad, but think of it as a cleaver psychological way of discussion that increases the odds that she’ll share more.
Share and Ask an Open Ended Question
Asking a woman what her major is will get you a one answer response “Multimedia”, “Political Science”, etc. That’s fine, but the open ended question could come right after “What made you want to take that major?” That question requires an investment on their part. Typically they have to tap into the emotional side of the brain that made them make that decision in the first place. That works good for you because the positive process of choosing that major is associated with you.
But it can’t be about you asking open ended questions and making her invest into the conversation. She won’t do it unless you’re sharing. That’s why it is often better to tell her why you choose your major than ask about why she choose hers.
All you have to do is listen to her, pick up on something she talked about, share and ask an open ended question about it.
Congrats – you’re having small talk.
