July 17th, 2009 by christopher
This is the weekly summary for the week of July 17. This is your way of getting a great summary of the posts without having to read them all. This way you can assess the value here and determine what you want to read.
The Only Two Steps to Change – People seem to think that change is a lot more complicated than it actually is. I’ve broken down change into two steps you have to take. The only steps that exist, despite what you may think.
Action Dates or Talking Dates – You basically have options for your dates. An action date is where fun comes from doing some sort of action. Talking dates is where the fun comes from talking. I give you my opinion on what I think is best.
Where do you Meet Women – This is probably one of the biggest complaints I hear from guys that aren’t really interested in bars. They just don’t know where to meet women, so I’ll let you in on the secret.
What is Coolness for an Adult? – As a kid, we always wanted to be cool. When you grow up we don’t seek out cool, but there is something as an adult that would make you “cool” even if that word isn’t used. I try to identify the characteristics of it.
Posted in Summary | No Comments »
July 16th, 2009 by christopher
Coolness is something that we all seek out when we’re in school and younger. I’m not saying that as an adult you’re looking to be “cool”, but there is typically an adult version of this word. I’m not really sure what you would call that word, but the same idea transcends age and becomes a big part of what makes you desirable. I think it is sort of a waste of time to figure out a name for it.
What is the adult version of coolness?
Purpose – Think of all the losers(adult) out there that you can think of. What are they missing? Drive, ambition, whatever. It’s purpose that they’re lacking it’s a drive to do something great. It’s doing something to the best of your ability. It’s something that is very attractive. It’s something that inspires people. It’s something that makes people want to be around you.
Uncompromising – There are a lot of people out there that are compromising. They’re more concerned with getting along with people. It is sometimes a relief to be around a person that is uncompromising in what they believe and in their values. The interesting part about this is that they don’t seek the approval of others. They’re not trying to impress you. They’re more interested living their life by their standards instead of bending to the desires of everyone else.
Self-Esteem – Self-esteem is an important part of being the adult version of cool. You have to believe in your self and believe you can be successful at what you do. Like I’ve been trying to explain in my other posts, self-esteem isn’t something that you try to think. Self-esteem comes from action and productive work. Going to the gym and losing weight helps with your self-esteem because you put productive work into it. Starting a businesses and succeeding at it is self-esteem because you’re doing something productive with your life.
Posted in Inner Game | No Comments »
July 15th, 2009 by christopher
This is a question that I hear a lot and it is typically a question that is asked by people that are whinny and passive about changing their life about the better. Let me give you the secret that is going to change your life forever. WOMEN ARE EVERYWHERE! You can meet them anywhere, for any reason at any time. I know people prefer social places like bars or something like that, but it really doesn’t matter. Women do other things.
The mall is a very popular place for women. There are typically more women than man at anytime. You may feel awkward about talking to women that are just trying to shop, but that is something is in your own head.
There is a great thing you have to remember: no woman wakes up saying “God, I hope I don’t get swept off my feet today!” It’s obvious. You should always function on that philosophy.
If you’re looking to find a woman that shares similar interests, than get out there and do your hobbies. You can meet women anywhere and trust me it is a lot easier to break the ice than you think. You just have to try it a few times.
Posted in Interest | No Comments »
July 14th, 2009 by christopher
There are basically two types of dates you can go on: action dates and talking dates. I’m sure you’ll find people that claim both work really well and I’m sure depending on how good you are, you can make anything work.
The way you can tell the difference between the two is whether you guys are in a position to talk for the fun of the date or are you doing action for the fun of the date? If you were to go bowling, that would be an action date. If you were to go to a coffee shop, that would be a talking date.
I’m a big believer that early on in the dating sequences, your dates should be action oriented. There are a few reasons for this. Action dates tend to be more fun, higher emotions, more adrenaline, etc. Basically the more good things that are pumping chemically in the body, the more that feeling becomes associated with your presence.
Talking dates are great for learning about someone, but they don’t make good dates early on. If you want to bond as a person, you have to talk about more emotional and intimidate details. It can be hard for a person to open up on the first few dates. That means if you take someone to a coffee shop for a first date, you’re probably going to be talking about interview things like jobs and stuff. That doesn’t help you bond and that doesn’t create attraction.
Starting out, definitely go with the action dates because they’re fun and you’ll bond.
Posted in Date Ideas | No Comments »
July 13th, 2009 by christopher
Nothing annoys me more than self-help books because they’re full of fluff. I suppose another reason that I hate them is the fact that I wasted to many years reading them and applying their fluff. During that time I learned so much about what is required of change and success (in all areas of my life). It amazes me that so many people don’t understand what is required to change. I hear them whine about their life, but they never implement the two steps to change. And believe me, there are only two steps and both have to be applied.
Step One: Knowing What You Want
Call it goal setting or whatever you want, if you want to change your life, you have to know what you want to change it too. The more detailed you can be with this the better. Not because you want detail, but it just gives you something to aim for. It’s a way to measure your success and know whether you’re going in the right direction or not.
Step Two: Action
That’s it. There’s no magic potions, no autosuggestion, no positive thinking, no fluff. All you can do is act. That’s the only thing that produces change. If you don’t know how to do something, act to learn.
By following the two steps you can change your life. What a lot of you will realize is that you don’t do step two for a particular reason (probably because it works). It comes down to a fear of change or fear of the pain of change.
Posted in Inner Game | 1 Comment »
July 10th, 2009 by christopher
There are a lot of great dating tips that you can use this week to help you out. This is a nice summary for you to use.
Be an Independent Person – It is important to be an independent person with your life if you expect to attract women. It’s just something that you have to do. You have to learn how to do it properly and with the right methods.
The Only Way to Not Feel Shy – There are things you can specifically do to not feel shy as a person. There are specific actions that you have to put into place to not feel like this.
How to Have a Dynamic Conversation – I took the time to explain the dynamics behind having a conversation. A lot of people don’t know how to talk. You have to know how to have a conversation in a very simple to follow plan. It isn’t that hard.
What do you Want? – Knowing what you want in a mate is very important. A lot of people don’t realize that they just go for visuals, but there is more to relationship than that. You have to identify these things, so you find the right person.
Posted in Summary | No Comments »
July 9th, 2009 by christopher
A lot of guys fall in the trap of not knowing what they truly want. They just think that they’ll see her and that will be it. I wish it was that simple but there is more to a relationship than how a person looks. I’m not saying that looks don’t count, but there is a lot more too it than that. There is a personality that comes with that body and it could be something that you’re looking for, or it could be something that drives you completely nuts. That’s why it is important to know exactly what you want.
Looks
There is nothing wrong with wanting someone you find beautiful. Don’t let anyone demonize you for wanting that. Defining what you’re looking for in looks won’t take you long. Since we are very visual in nature, we know what we like in that regard.
Personality
There are a lot of different types out there, so you might have to think about this to know which one you’re looking for. I’m into women that have a more eccentric type of personality. You might be looking for someone that is down to Earth and laid back. Maybe you want a drama queen. I’m sure you can find something that you like.
Values
Values are very important for the long term. It really comes down to how you view the world and how you place value on it. You should probably be more concerned with figuring out your values and finding a woman that meets them.
That’s not to say you can’t be with someone that is a complete opposite, but your values will meet up or compliment each other in some manner.
You’re going to have a hard time with a relationship if she just wants to be normal, with 2.5 kids and a dog. While you’re looking to conquer the business world from your condo downtown.
——
That’s typically what you should know. There are other obvious things that you should recognize. You obviously want someone that is supportive and such. You don’t want one that is going to impede your dreams or the direction you want to go in life.
Posted in Inner Game | No Comments »
July 8th, 2009 by christopher
Conversation has always been a problem for me. I was just not that good at it and really didn’t know how to properly approach it. I know a lot of guys are like this. We’re also way too logical, so obviously logical steps to take for dynamic conversation would be beneficial, but most people would tell you that you can’t have a conversation that way. They’d tell you that you can’t have a conversation if you follow steps.
That’s completely untrue. Juggler, who is a PUA, came up with the formula for good conversation.
The biggest problem you have right now with your conversations is that you ask closed ended questions. These are basically questions that are answered with a few words and that’s it. For example, “how is your night going?” Good. “what do you do?” I work at the Post Office. “Do you like this city?” Yes.
You’re not going to get any good conversation when you put people in the position of investing as little information as possible (and people will put in as little as possible with a stranger). What you need to do is ask open ended questions. “What do you like about this city?” A question like this can’t be answered with a simple yes or no. It requires an investment of time and thought.
Obviously you can’t be a question machine asking question after question like this because conversation is reciprocal. What you should do is answer the question you want to ask in the “I” perspective. You typically don’t even have to ask the question to them if you just pause and wait for them to reply. “I really like the culture in this city. The restaurants around here have some of the best food I’ve ever eaten. I went and saw a musical the other night and it completely blew me away” *LONG PAUSE* “Oh yeah, I love musicals. I saw blahblah blah.”
Basically from this point you can just pick up on the topics of conversation.
Posted in Conversation | No Comments »
July 7th, 2009 by christopher
I know there are a lot of you out there that get a huge feeling of shyness. It’s something that is overwhelming and can be at times crippling to your social interactions. I have been there too, but there are certain things that you have to recognize about this.
For me, shyness is actually not a personality trait, but an inexperience to social situations, as well as anxiety for what people might think of you. I noticed this about myself. I placed people into a social hierarchy in my head and my shyness was relevant to that. If people were placed above me, I was shy around them. If people were below me, I wasn’t shy.
This can easily be proven by the way you act around children. If you have to entertain some children, you’re not going to be shy because they’re just kids.
What I’m trying to tell you is that shyness isn’t ingrained in who you are. It’s really this hierarchy you set and where you place in it.
Normally the self-help gurus would try and teach you how to raise your ranks in the hierarchy, but that’s not what I’m going to tell you. What you need to do is let go of the hierarchy. You need to stop thinking about it.
3 Second Rule
If you want to talk to someone, give yourself three seconds to go over to talk to them. Yeah, that’s pressure, but there is a point to it. You don’t have enough time to think in 3 seconds. Shyness is thinking too much and this forces you into the moment, rather than staying in your head.
You just have to keep practicing. You’ll eventually mold yourself to a person that can talk to anyone.
Posted in Conversation | No Comments »
July 6th, 2009 by christopher
I’m sure you’ve guys got the point over and over again on how you should never be too available for a female because it shows that you’re low value. Obviously if you can immediately come to a woman’s side for anything, you’re just showing her that you have nothing else important in your life. Being an independent person is something I struggled with.
I was one of those people that never had too much to do. I’d get my full 9 hours every night. In high school I never had homework. I always managed to get it done while at school. I was just one of those people that always had less on their plate than I could possibly handle. That translates into too much time on your hand.
I’m a different person today because I find myself not having enough time in my day. I’m literally running out of time each day and it’s something I don’t like. For me, dating is the act of squeezing a woman into a schedule that is completely filled.
Now that’s not to say that you have to be like this when you get into a serious relationship. The point here is that you don’t want to dedicate all this free time to a person you barely know. As the relationship becomes more serious, you can add her in.
If you want to be an independent person than you need to behave in a very specific manner. The first is to start doing the things that you’ve always wanted too. If you want to start a business, start one. It will eat up all your time. Get a hobby that you enjoy or always wanted to do. Take up something like Krav Maga. Lastly, Friday night and Saturday night are no-nos for dating. These times are off. Go out with your friends. Do something, but dating.
Posted in Inner Game | 1 Comment »