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Conversation has always been a problem for me. I was just not that good at it and really didn’t know how to properly approach it. I know a lot of guys are like this. We’re also way too logical, so obviously logical steps to take for dynamic conversation would be beneficial, but most people would tell you that you can’t have a conversation that way. They’d tell you that you can’t have a conversation if you follow steps.
That’s completely untrue. Juggler, who is a PUA, came up with the formula for good conversation.
The biggest problem you have right now with your conversations is that you ask closed ended questions. These are basically questions that are answered with a few words and that’s it. For example, “how is your night going?” Good. “what do you do?” I work at the Post Office. “Do you like this city?” Yes.
You’re not going to get any good conversation when you put people in the position of investing as little information as possible (and people will put in as little as possible with a stranger). What you need to do is ask open ended questions. “What do you like about this city?” A question like this can’t be answered with a simple yes or no. It requires an investment of time and thought.
Obviously you can’t be a question machine asking question after question like this because conversation is reciprocal. What you should do is answer the question you want to ask in the “I” perspective. You typically don’t even have to ask the question to them if you just pause and wait for them to reply. “I really like the culture in this city. The restaurants around here have some of the best food I’ve ever eaten. I went and saw a musical the other night and it completely blew me away” *LONG PAUSE* “Oh yeah, I love musicals. I saw blahblah blah.”
Basically from this point you can just pick up on the topics of conversation.
