I wanted to talk to you about finding a flow with meeting women. I think this can be the hardest part for most guys. I think it is the fact that you haven’t been trying before, so you’re going to have that same mindset now. The idea of the flow is to keep you doing it in a consistent manner.

Here is what you need to know to keep up the flow:

Dedicate Time Everyday

I think it is important to designate sometime to go out and meet women. That doesn’t mean you have to hang out at bars everyday, but that would be an acceptable method. It doesn’t matter if you give yourself a few hours every evening or 30 minutes during your lunch break at work. Women are everywhere and you can meet them anywhere.

This can seem sort of stupid, but it’s a great way to create a flow. Eventually it will become a habit and you’ll instantly start a conversation with a woman you find attractive because you just want too. I think that is the point that everyone wants to get too.

Don’t Make Excuses

This will be the toughest battle for you no matter what. Let’s say you plan on going to the mall after work to meet women. You’ll have plenty of excuses… “I had a rough day”, “I have things to do”, etc. No excuses. Make a pledge not to recognize a single excuse.

An excuse is nothing more that a validation for failure. “I can be better with women, but…”, “I can have a more enjoyable life, but…”, etc. It is nothing more than a way to keep things exactly the same and you’re definitely not looking for something like that. You have to make an effort to meet women and that means you’re going to have to reject excuses on the basis that they’re going to sabotage you.

1. You’re Desperate

Desperation isn’t something that anyone finds attractive and it comes down to a concept of value. Women inevitably view a huge portion of your value from your own self-esteem. Desperation is something that happens to people that don’t value themselves. That’s what people feel around a person that is desperate. You could be the hottest looking guy around, but if you’re desperate than you’re just breeding the feelings in a woman that lead to her feeling unattracted.

The key here is to like yourself and not act in a desperate manner to get someone into your life.

2. You’re Not Self-Interested

We’ve been taught our whole lives that selfishness is a bad thing, but I’m here to tell you that it is not. Everything you do in your life, you do for yourself. You don’t want a girlfriend in your life because your obligated too or you’re doing someone else a favor. You do it for yourself. You want someone to love, someone you can hold, talk to, share and just be with. I don’t know why I gave that specific example, because that’s not really what I’m aiming at.

You have to live a life you love, outside of women. If you’re not passionate about your life, than don’t expect others to be passionate about you. You have to live your life the way you always wanted to. It’s time to start living things you’ve dreamed of. Take some risks and make life interesting.

Women aren’t looking for a guy that likes women. They want a guy that is passionate about living their life and passion comes from living life you want to live.

3. You Take It Too Personally

You’re going to run into failures with anything. Anything that is worth achieving will have ups and downs, but winners are the ones that keep on going regardless. Not all women are going to respond to you positively.

Sometimes women just aren’t in the mood. That’s fine.
Sometimes women just aren’t in to you. That’s fine, everyone has a type.

Not all women are going to be in a good mood all the time. Just as you won’t.

4. You Under Estimate The Importance Of Dressing Nice

A lot of people try to suggest that you don’t have to worry about dressing nice. As long as you can properly talk, banter and tease you can get the girl. I’m not going to deny that is the case, but first impressions are hard things to escape.

What do you think comes off more positive? A guy that looked like he just came from the bowling alley or the well dressed young man? I think it’s obvious.

And I’d also like to point out that dressing better can have a huge impact on your life. I’ve known a lot of guys that were “nerds” that got a great haircut and started to dress better. They looked just like the other guys that we would associate as getting women.

I guess what I’m saying is that first impressions aren’t prerequisite for success, but the greatly improve your chances. Your chances of success are much higher when you walk into a conversation with someone that has a positive view of you.

5. You’re Trying Too Hard

I think trying hard is very important to success, but you have to recognize that there is a point you can cross where you’re causing more damage than good. I’ve seen a lot of guys try really hard to talk to women. The conversations seem very robotic. You’re not having fun this way.

You’re going to feel anxiety and a lot of other negative feelings, but there needs to be a part of you having fun too. Try to loosen up and remember that you’re doing this to have fun.

I was a shy guy from up. I remember watching other guys just go talk to a girl and they were in instant conversation with a lot of rapport. I didn’t get it. I tried, but it didn’t seem to work. It sucked, but I eventually learned what it takes to do it.

Start Talking

There’s no way around it. You’re just going to have to talk to people and it’s going to be one of the most awkward times you’re going to have. You’ll probably hate it and hate me for telling you to do it. The reality is that you’re not going to be a smooth talker at the end of the day. It takes a lot of time.

You’re probably going to get blown out and have a real rough interaction, but you just have to keep going. Think of it like a learning experience. There is an endless amount of women to talk to, so keep going. As you keep doing this, you’ll get better. In a few months time, you’re probably going to feel a lot more confident and you’re going to notice that things are starting to pull together much better.

Why You’re Shy?

You have to address this issue. A lot of us have issues, but we never really sit down and identify why we have them. There are people out there that say that shyness is a positive quality. I don’t view it that way. Extroverted and introverted are characteristics of people, but shy is different. Shy is based on a fear and that’s why it’s so damaging.

My fear came from being worried about what people thought of me. I never had a problem being talkative around my friends, because I already knew my friends liked me. And that’s the reality. If you’re an outgoing talkative guy around your friends, but not around strangers, it is a fear.

Women are more biologically driven to play passive and reactive role in the male-female interaction. It’s just the way it works. Men are supposed to play the active role, leading role, etc. And for a lot of guys that are more passive themselves this can be a difficult thing to overcome.

The good news here is that if you have this issue with women, than you probably have this issue in your day-to-day life, so it can be worked on regardless of what you’re doing. For a lot of this dating stuff, you have to be out with the opposite sex, but this time you can do it on your own.

Start Making Choices

I’m sure you’ve been with a friend or someone else and you guys have a choice; go to A or go to b? You say, “I don’t care, whatever”. The other person says, “Well, I don’t care.” And the conversation goes on like that until someone makes the choice.

From now on, you’re not going to do that. When the choice of going to A or B comes up – just pick one. If you don’t care either way, just pick one because it is going to be the same.

Get used to this idea of making choices. It’ll pay off in your life regardless if you’re dating.

Do Something You’ve Always Wanted to Do, but Haven’t

Pretty simple thing. Most people get stuck in that place where they’re “feeling” something out and aren’t making a choice. You have to make that choice and sometimes you have to push yourself into it.

Maybe you wanted to go skydiving – well, go skydiving.
Maybe you wanted to start a home business – well, go to the government building to register a business, it costs $100, get over it.

Start making choices now and be assertive.

Well, I don’t believe in the whole “positive thinking” and “The Secret” mentality that if you think it, it will manifest. I believe that actions change thinking and that’s what I want to do to help you get self confidence. Let’s be real, you can do all the positive thinking in the world, but it’s not going to give you confidence.

It’s Okay to be Unavailable

There are guys out there that will jump onto any piece of attention that comes there way from a female. This is what we call desperation and women have a real good eye for identifying this.

Here’s how a confident guy is – they have other things going on. If a girl calls you up and asks if you want to hang out, if you’re always available she’s going to assume that you don’t really have a life and you don’t have other things to do. It’s not a bad thing to say “sorry, I’m a little busy”.

This is the way you need to look at it; you have your life and women can be a part of it.

This is the wrong way to look at it; my life is getting a woman.

Don’t Talk so Fast

Talking fast is a way of saying that you lack confidence. The reason people do this is that they’re afraid people are going to lose attention and forget about them, so they just blurt it out as fast as possible.

Slow down and just speak slower. It can work in your favor because it can build anticipation. If you slow down and make pauses at the right times people will really gravitate to you.

Not Everyone Has to Like You

This was a hard one for me to get over. I was always trying to please people and be on their good side. I’m not sure if that constitutes a lack of self confidence, but it’s something that you need to learn. It’s a lose battle trying to stay on the good side of everyone. You start to end up living for others instead of yourself.

I hope these tips will help you become a self confident man.

Can’t Not Be in a Relationship

There are people that literally can’t be alone. They’re just always in a relationship. They’re always with a girlfriend and you’ve never seen them single. These are the people that sort of scare me bit because I don’t think from an emotional point of view that they’re of sound thought.

Relationship Hoppers

This is a common thing for women. I think most people can tell when they’re past the point of no return. They want out. But there are people out there that will hang on to their current relationship while they build one behind the scenes with another. I find such an activity disrespectful since it is so dishonest, but it happens. It typically means they’re off dating someone else, while they’re still with you, with the intention of breaking up when they’re set up for another relationship.

What I think…

Dare to be alone? Seriously, if you can’t live alone, than you’re not ready for a relationship. Your happiness, your confidence, your self-esteem, your self-worth, your desires and dreams are not defined by who you are with. If you’re a person that isn’t happy while you’re single, than a relationship isn’t going to make that magically disappear.

I know that we have a natural gravitation to bond with others and grow an intimate relationship, but a lot of people turn this into a dependence on what will inevitably define who they are. I view relationships as negotiations. If you can’t walk away from the table, than how can you have a good deal? If you’re dependent, than you’re always going to be put at a disadvantage for it.

I’m not saying that you should naturally strive to be alone. What I’m saying is that you should be able to live alone and be happy. Once you make it to that point you’re able to have a healthy relationship because you’re an equal – not a dependent.