Archive for the ‘Psychology’ Category

It's Easy to be Spontaneous

Wednesday, July 1st, 2009

I’m sure you’ve heard all sorts of women state that they love a guy that is spontaneous. And being spontaneous is really fun to. It’s exciting because you don’t really know what you’re going to do for the day and just make a snap decision on the fly. Typically these snap decisions lead you down directions you probably wouldn’t go normally. The problem for a lot of guys is that we’re not really that spontaneous. I’ll be the first to admit that I’m not. I’m a very routine oriented person because that’s really the only way for me to get things done. But I can show you how easy it is to be spontaneous or at least appear that way.

Spontaneous is best defined as doing something arising from a momentary impulse. Since I’m not an impulsive person, I’m not really in the position to do that. But another way to look at spontaneous is doing something out of the ordinary. Anything that is different is a form of being spontaneous.

I made another post, which I don’t want to dig up and find, that consisted of a way to get better date ideas, but the same thing can be used to be spontaneous in any situation. Basically you take a business card and write very small on the back. You write down all the little things that you want to do. You don’t have to write things that are huge goals, but something that you could complete if you wanted to.

For example, eat sushi, go to a gun range, play paintball, sky diving, etc.

Having this card is gold because you can just keep it in your wallet. I’m sure you’ve been with a group of people and someone says “what do you want to do” and someone else says ” i don’t know, what do you want to do”. Take a peek at your card and say “Let’s do this…”

You’re not officially spontaneous.

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Dynamics: Why Friend to Girlfriend Doesn't Work

Monday, November 3rd, 2008

What happens to a lot of guys is that they end up becoming friends with women they want a relationship with. There is a huge obstacle with this whole dynamic and it’s really really hard to break. Once you realize that there is a specific dynamic to the relationship, you’ll realize why this is a lost cause (for the most part).

They call it the friend zone and it is very hard to get out of.

As human beings we like to classify and define things. When we define things, we end up getting a specific expectation and limitations based on our classification. In more common terms, it means that we put people into certain categories and expect them to play a specific role. For example, if you’re the shy nerdy guy that plays on the computer a lot, than that’s the category you’ll end up in. Trying to seduce her is going to be an extremely odd role and she’ll reject it on that basis alone.

It’s sort of like after you get out high school for a few years and bump into some people you went to school one day. You still have that dynamic. If one of them was extremely shy, than you view them as the shy one. And really they all remain in the same role.

This is what it is all about. When a female puts you into the friend role, that’s just what she expects. You might not enter into the same view. You might view her as “potential meat”, but it doesn’t matter.

Basically, I view this as a lost cause, but there are things you can do. What you need to do is break the category she put you in. She put you in as a friend (as the opposite sex), so she probably didn’t view you as a mate. Now seducing her will just come off extremely weird, so all you can do is be a mate to other women. It’s really the only way she can end up changing that category in her head. You can’t do it directly, she just has to sort of observe it.

I say it is a lost cause because there are plenty of women out there and it’s great having female friends, so why mess it up? Don’t get obsessed with one person. Go out and meet as many as you can.

Posted in Psychology | 1 Comment »