Online Dating Tips

I think a lot of guys need to start understanding that women are just as insecure about themselves as you are. Actually they’re probably more insecure. It’s an odd thing really. When you see a woman that is very beautiful, with guys chasing her and her having a lot of boyfriends, you would just assume that she knows she’s hot and that she is perfect.

At least that’s the way I used to look at it, but often this type of situation breeds the biggest insecurities for her. She spends countless hours preparing just to be seen in public and she has to look her best. She has expectations that she has to meet. She also feels like guys only like her for her looks, so if she isn’t looking good she’ll get dumped.

It’s pretty rough.

There’s no need to put women on a pedestal because they’re just as human as you or I. They have fears. They have doubts. They have insecurities. They have embarrassing moments. They desire to be loved. They desire to be appreciated. They’re human.

The point of this post was humility. You need to stop living in your head and being so damn insecure about talking to women. She has the same fears. When you go up to a woman, she is just as afraid of being judged as you are of being judged.

Stop worrying so much. You’re both humans.

If you’re getting worried or nervous about dates than you should recognize that you’re living too much up in your head. The feelings you get come from being in your head analyzing as much of it as possible and analyze as many outcomes as possible, even the ones that aren’t probable to happen. These thoughts continue to be reiterated in your subconscious until you actually get scared and think they’ll happen.

Do you really want to feel that way? You should recognize that hanging out with a woman shouldn’t create feelings of fear or nervousness. No one wants that.

If you’re looking to go in for a kiss on a date, you don’t want to feel nervous. The idea of kissing a woman should excite you, not scare you. But that’s something that a lot of guys have to deal with on a regular basis.

First, you will get past part of this. You won’t feel like a total weirdo hanging out with a woman. You’ll learn to live in the moment and enjoy yourself. You will probably still experience a little nervousness though at the thought of going to hang out with her. I don’t think these feelings totally disappear. The same applies for kissing.

The deal you have to learn is to become spontaneous and just be in the moment. You can’t think about it if you just do it.

A lot of people are always looking for a way to be successful and do what is necessary. The last thing people do is create a routine (which inevitably leads to a habit). People will try, fail, give up, work up their nerve and try again. That’s very counter productive because it doesn’t build on itself. It doesn’t help you have a routine of productive and effective behaviors that you’re always doing.

Trying to talk to strangers at the mall each day is something that is great. It doesn’t matter if you crash and burn every single day for a week. It’s the behavior that you want. You should at least recognize that the more you talk to strangers, the better you will get at it. The more you talk to women the better you’ll get at it. The more you flirt with women, the better you’ll get at it. The more you ask women out, the better you’ll get at it.

Everything in life that works comes from routine behavior. If you want clean teeth, you don’t do amazing things. You don’t work hard. All you do is make a routine for brushing and flossing, nothing more.

Picking up women isn’t hard. You just need to make a routine for it, so you can work out the kinks and it will be second nature.

Coolness is something that we all seek out when we’re in school and younger. I’m not saying that as an adult you’re looking to be “cool”, but there is typically an adult version of this word. I’m not really sure what you would call that word, but the same idea transcends age and becomes a big part of what makes you desirable. I think it is sort of a waste of time to figure out a name for it.

What is the adult version of coolness?

Purpose – Think of all the losers(adult) out there that you can think of. What are they missing? Drive, ambition, whatever. It’s purpose that they’re lacking it’s a drive to do something great. It’s doing something to the best of your ability. It’s something that is very attractive. It’s something that inspires people. It’s something that makes people want to be around you.

Uncompromising – There are a lot of people out there that are compromising. They’re more concerned with getting along with people. It is sometimes a relief to be around a person that is uncompromising in what they believe and in their values. The interesting part about this is that they don’t seek the approval of others. They’re not trying to impress you. They’re more interested living their life by their standards instead of bending to the desires of everyone else.

Self-Esteem – Self-esteem is an important part of being the adult version of cool. You have to believe in your self and believe you can be successful at what you do. Like I’ve been trying to explain in my other posts, self-esteem isn’t something that you try to think. Self-esteem comes from action and productive work. Going to the gym and losing weight helps with your self-esteem because you put productive work into it. Starting a businesses and succeeding at it is self-esteem because you’re doing something productive with your life.

Nothing annoys me more than self-help books because they’re full of fluff. I suppose another reason that I hate them is the fact that I wasted to many years reading them and applying their fluff. During that time I learned so much about what is required of change and success (in all areas of my life). It amazes me that so many people don’t understand what is required to change. I hear them whine about their life, but they never implement the two steps to change. And believe me, there are only two steps and both have to be applied.

Step One: Knowing What You Want

Call it goal setting or whatever you want, if you want to change your life, you have to know what you want to change it too. The more detailed you can be with this the better. Not because you want detail, but it just gives you something to aim for. It’s a way to measure your success and know whether you’re going in the right direction or not.

Step Two: Action

That’s it. There’s no magic potions, no autosuggestion, no positive thinking, no fluff. All you can do is act. That’s the only thing that produces change. If you don’t know how to do something, act to learn.

By following the two steps you can change your life. What a lot of you will realize is that you don’t do step two for a particular reason (probably because it works). It comes down to a fear of change or fear of the pain of change.

A lot of guys fall in the trap of not knowing what they truly want. They just think that they’ll see her and that will be it. I wish it was that simple but there is more to a relationship than how a person looks. I’m not saying that looks don’t count, but there is a lot more too it than that. There is a personality that comes with that body and it could be something that you’re looking for, or it could be something that drives you completely nuts. That’s why it is important to know exactly what you want.

Looks

There is nothing wrong with wanting someone you find beautiful. Don’t let anyone demonize you for wanting that. Defining what you’re looking for in looks won’t take you long. Since we are very visual in nature, we know what we like in that regard.

Personality

There are a lot of different types out there, so you might have to think about this to know which one you’re looking for. I’m into women that have a more eccentric type of personality. You might be looking for someone that is down to Earth and laid back. Maybe you want a drama queen. I’m sure you can find something that you like.

Values

Values are very important for the long term. It really comes down to how you view the world and how you place value on it. You should probably be more concerned with figuring out your values and finding a woman that meets them.

That’s not to say you can’t be with someone that is a complete opposite, but your values will meet up or compliment each other in some manner.

You’re going to have a hard time with a relationship if she just wants to be normal, with 2.5 kids and a dog. While you’re looking to conquer the business world from your condo downtown.

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That’s typically what you should know. There are other obvious things that you should recognize. You obviously want someone that is supportive and such. You don’t want one that is going to impede your dreams or the direction you want to go in life.

I’m sure you’ve guys got the point over and over again on how you should never be too available for a female because it shows that you’re low value. Obviously if you can immediately come to a woman’s side for anything, you’re just showing her that you have nothing else important in your life. Being an independent person is something I struggled with.

I was one of those people that never had too much to do. I’d get my full 9 hours every night. In high school I never had homework. I always managed to get it done while at school. I was just one of those people that always had less on their plate than I could possibly handle. That translates into too much time on your hand.

I’m a different person today because I find myself not having enough time in my day. I’m literally running out of time each day and it’s something I don’t like. For me, dating is the act of squeezing a woman into a schedule that is completely filled.

Now that’s not to say that you have to be like this when you get into a serious relationship. The point here is that you don’t want to dedicate all this free time to a person you barely know. As the relationship becomes more serious, you can add her in.

If you want to be an independent person than you need to behave in a very specific manner. The first is to start doing the things that you’ve always wanted too. If you want to start a business, start one. It will eat up all your time. Get a hobby that you enjoy or always wanted to do. Take up something like Krav Maga. Lastly, Friday night and Saturday night are no-nos for dating. These times are off. Go out with your friends. Do something, but dating.

I know a lot of guys have a real problem with this type of thing. I know this because it is something that I have struggled with. I don’t think it necessarily has to do with the fact that it is difficult for me to open up emotionally, I think it comes down to a basic fear of rejection. If you never show that you have any interest, than technically you can’t be shot down. Now you’re not going to get anywhere thinking like that, but your mind doesn’t see it that way. You can typically enjoy your time with a person, without having to risk it on showing that you’re interested.

A lot of pick up artists will use something that involves interest and disinterest. I have a feeling that this sort of thing is meant more for a bar where a woman is constantly approached. But eventually in all cases you’re going to have to learn to say “I like you.” It doesn’t have to be in those words, but you have to make sure she understands that.

Juggler happens to be another pick up artists that really has a great approach for this. Obviously you just can’t say that you like someone after meeting them. It’s creepy. What Juggler came up with is getting a woman to telling something about herself. Maybe she volunteers down at an animal shelter. You can say something like “I have a lot of respect for people try to save animals and give them good homes”. This demonstrates that you approve and respect what she does, rather than the way she looks.

Later you can get another story out of her and say “that’s sexy” or something like that. This shows a much deeper type of interest.

I thought this may be an important post to do since I see a lot of guys do this. I’m trying to think of the best way to describe exactly what I mean. You see some guys that marry very quickly. It seems like they just go a year or two out of high school and they’re married. In a lot of these cases, I wouldn’t describe this as an act of choice, but an act of being chosen. There are a lot of guys out there that are more willing to be with a person that they know likes them, than strive for something better.

Social Darwinism has us always driving for something better, so don’t assume I’m cold in saying that. The act of choice is a powerful one and as a male, it is one of those things that I want to be able to make. It’s nice to have a female choose me, but that shouldn’t be the end all and be all of what makes a relationship. I should make my own choice on who I want as a mate and hope she reciprocates that choice.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that I want to choose the women that I will have a relationship with. I want to have options and make the best choice I can. I don’t want to cling to the first female that chooses me because that is the convenient thing to do.

I don’t know how many of you reading this feels the same way, but I can only hope you do.