Online Dating Tips

When you’re talking to a woman, you should be testing her to see if she qualifies high enough to be with you. Women do the same thing to us, it’s just a much more game like thing. A lot of guys don’t like to play games, but this is something that women do and you have to learn how to play.

Women will test to see if you’re really an independent, confident man. That’s really what they’re looking for. They don’t want to have a guy that is going to sacrifice himself, just to have the chance to talk to her.

One of the most common types of tests happens at a bar and that’s where a girl will ask you to buy her a drink. Normally women don’t have to ask because there are a lot of idiots out there that will offer. If she asks, than she is just looking for your response. The right outcome is not getting her a drink, which makes her happy because you passed. The wrong outcome is her getting a drink, which makes her happy because she got a free drink.

There are a lot of tests and they can be very subtle, but if you remember that you’re an independent, confident man than you should be able to pass them all. That means you’re not going to sacrifice your ideals or opinions, or you’re not going to express yourself even though they may not like it.

It’s a man thing, so be a man.

Conversation has always been a problem for me. I was just not that good at it and really didn’t know how to properly approach it. I know a lot of guys are like this. We’re also way too logical, so obviously logical steps to take for dynamic conversation would be beneficial, but most people would tell you that you can’t have a conversation that way. They’d tell you that you can’t have a conversation if you follow steps.

That’s completely untrue. Juggler, who is a PUA, came up with the formula for good conversation.

The biggest problem you have right now with your conversations is that you ask closed ended questions. These are basically questions that are answered with a few words and that’s it. For example, “how is your night going?” Good. “what do you do?” I work at the Post Office. “Do you like this city?” Yes.

You’re not going to get any good conversation when you put people in the position of investing as little information as possible (and people will put in as little as possible with a stranger). What you need to do is ask open ended questions. “What do you like about this city?” A question like this can’t be answered with a simple yes or no. It requires an investment of time and thought.

Obviously you can’t be a question machine asking question after question like this because conversation is reciprocal. What you should do is answer the question you want to ask in the “I” perspective. You typically don’t even have to ask the question to them if you just pause and wait for them to reply. “I really like the culture in this city. The restaurants around here have some of the best food I’ve ever eaten. I went and saw a musical the other night and it completely blew me away” *LONG PAUSE* “Oh yeah, I love musicals. I saw blahblah blah.”

Basically from this point you can just pick up on the topics of conversation.

I know there are a lot of you out there that get a huge feeling of shyness. It’s something that is overwhelming and can be at times crippling to your social interactions. I have been there too, but there are certain things that you have to recognize about this.

For me, shyness is actually not a personality trait, but an inexperience to social situations, as well as anxiety for what people might think of you. I noticed this about myself. I placed people into a social hierarchy in my head and my shyness was relevant to that. If people were placed above me, I was shy around them. If people were below me, I wasn’t shy.

This can easily be proven by the way you act around children. If you have to entertain some children, you’re not going to be shy because they’re just kids.

What I’m trying to tell you is that shyness isn’t ingrained in who you are. It’s really this hierarchy you set and where you place in it.

Normally the self-help gurus would try and teach you how to raise your ranks in the hierarchy, but that’s not what I’m going to tell you. What you need to do is let go of the hierarchy. You need to stop thinking about it.

3 Second Rule

If you want to talk to someone, give yourself three seconds to go over to talk to them. Yeah, that’s pressure, but there is a point to it. You don’t have enough time to think in 3 seconds. Shyness is thinking too much and this forces you into the moment, rather than staying in your head.

You just have to keep practicing. You’ll eventually mold yourself to a person that can talk to anyone.

I thought that you guys should see a video of pick up artists that help a guy do a little picking up. This stuff is really interesting, so I hope you enjoy it. It’s a bit of a change showing a video from all the text I usually post.

Obviously turning this dating stuff into a science is very important, it’s just a tough thing to do. The more of a science it comes down to, the easier it will be for you to learn. Calling after a date is a tough one to figure out because you can portray some characteristics that can scare of a woman. I don’t think you can fully appreciate things until you see this from the perspective of a female.

All women of beauty will have a lot of guys in her life that are looking to get in her pants. It’s just an inevitability of being beautiful. In her eyes, they probably don’t have a shot, but they’re still there. These guys will call her and bend over backwards at the attempt to impress her. They’re always available to help her do anything that she needs.

Some women will take advantage (use) of these people and other women will be really put off by it. You don’t want to end up in either case. On one side you’ll be viewed as someone to use and you won’t get any respect. On the other side you’re just another creep.

The key point here is availability. It’s not to say that you can’t help a female, it’s about availability. If you’re always available than you just don’t have anything valuable to offer the world because your time is free.

This is sort of the philosophy you want to offer to making calls. If you’re always too available, than you’re just going to scare her off (or use you). Industry standard is two days. It’s just a way to show that you have other things going on and can’t be bothered to check up on her. You’re a busy guy. There’s also another positive that comes a long with this and it is anticipation. Assuming your date went well, the longer she has to wait, the more she’ll want you.

I’m sure there are some of you reading this blog, but not actually applying the information or are at least hesitant to apply it. I suppose that isn’t the best position to be in, but if you’re working yourself toward it than that is fine. One thing that you’re going to notice is that women of beauty are rarely ever alone. It’s an odd thing, they always have friends around them, both male and female. I know that this is intimidating for a lot of you because it used to be intimidating for me. It feels like you have an audience watching you and if you mess up, they’ll laugh. I hate to break it to you, but they’re not the audience. They have to be interacted with too. You have to win over her group.

A woman will often look for the approval of their friends when it comes to a potential mate. That means when you go to interact with her group of people, they have to like you too. If you don’t come off favorable with her friends, you’re not going to get anywhere. It doesn’t matter how much you click with the person you like, the friends will sabotage you and drag her away.

I suppose that adds even more pressure because you have to impress a lot of other people. Often it isn’t as simple as “impressing”. Often guys will walk into a group and just talk to the person they’re interested in, while ignoring everyone else. That’s a recipe for failure. Try going into a group and ignoring the person you like while making friends with everyone else. Throw in a few teases and you should be able to have a much better favorable interaction after a few minutes of winning over her group.

Let’s say that you went up and approached a woman that you’re attracted too. You end up starting a conversation with here and things seem to be going good. Maybe you asked for her opinion and she had some real great input for you to use. You can play with this for a little bit, but eventually you have to get into comfort building. You have to understand that you’re not going to hang around with someone that makes you uncomfortable. Even if you create tension the wrong way you can destroy any sort of comfort and she’ll run. A lot of guys don’t really understand the concept of building comfort or how to properly do it.

Comfort is really about rapport and commonalities. Obviously you need some sort of rapport, but a lot of guys don’t understand how to properly show the commonalities.

If she said she likes chocolate ice cream and you immediately say “WOW ME TOO”, you’re not exactly building any sort of commonalities.

Commonalities are much better demonstrated by understanding. I’ve heard a lot of women say that “he gets me.” That is the impression you want to create. You have to start learning to read people and listen to them. All conversations reveal great pieces of information about a person and you have to immediately identify that, so you can later do comfort building.

For example, let’s say you notice she’s holding her cellphone and you make the comment, “you seem to be very attached to your cell, let me ask you, if you were trapped in a locked room and just had enough battery power to call one person, who would you call?” She might say anything, but obviously you know the answer is going to be of a person she holds of value. You don’t even need to ask why (it doesn’t hurt to ask why though).

Knowing this information, you can later use it for comfort building. All you have to do is orient a story around her answer. Let’s say she said her mom, well, you can use your mom in a story and how she did something that made you respect her so much more.

That’s how you build the commonalities and essentially do your comfort building.

Well, assuming that you have gone out and followed my advice, you should be having dates now. I often get asked questions about what you’re supposed to talk about on dates. I know it can be tough because you’re with a new person. You’ll often be nervous about the whole thing too, which can make it even more awkward. At least having an idea of what the interaction should be like, will give you a huge advantage.

I can’t stress enough that your conversation has to be light, fun and comfortable. It amazes me how people will dump some very heavy things out there on a first date. Things like talking about their ex and how they damaged you. Talking about your problems is something that you don’t want to do. This is a date, not some place for you to cry on someones shoulder.

I don’t think you can walk into a date with a game plan for conversation. That seems a little too rigid for a conversation on a date. Things should be spontaneous and you should always go with the flow. I do think that it is important to have a few talking points. When I typically say talking points, I don’t mean questions. I mean have a funny story that you could tell or something interesting.

Lastly, to finish up this post, I want you to understand that you don’t have to have a long date. If things aren’t clicking after a little bit, don’t feel the need to continue on doing it. If there is no chemistry, just move on.

I’m sure you’ve heard all the stupid pick up lines that people have. They’re designed more for a laugh between friends than to be used. Everyone recognizes that such things don’t work, nor do they offer any value to you. There are pick up lines used by professional pick up artists and they’re much different than what you expect. I want to share with you one and help break down the philosophy with you.

“The Jealous Girlfriend”

Basically you go up to a woman or a group and say “hey, I need to get an opinion. I have a friend that recently had his girlfriend move in with him, and she ended up find a shoe box under his bed full of pictures and love poems from his ex. How would you feel about this?”

The first thing to take from this is that it is just an interesting question that women should have an opinion on. That’s the whole point. You just want to get into the conversation and that’s what this line is designed to do.

Rooting is the concept of letting them know why you’re asking them. In the case of rooting you’d add in something like “she got in a fight with my friend and he’s not sure what he did wrong”. So basically you’re asking for your friend.

Sometimes going up to a stranger and just asking a question like this might make someone uneasy. I’m sure you’ve seen that creepy guy that is in a group of women that obviously don’t want him there. There’s a way to remove that feeling by using a false time constraint. If you say something like “I only have a minute, but…” you let them know that you won’t be hanging around. It takes the tension away and if things go good, you can stay longer.

The philosophy in a nutshell is asking an opinion related question, root it by giving a reason to ask and use a false time constraint to lift some of the tension.

I think “number game” is one of the hardest things for a lot of guys. They get a phone number and they really don’t know how to handle right. I think it’s important to know that just because you have the number, it doesn’t mean that you’re “in”. You’d like to think that, but getting a number is only one tiny thing someone can feel obligated to give. Inevitably getting the date is the goal and that can be far more challenging.

Don’t Call Too Soon

This comes down to basic value and what you have going on in your life. If you meet a woman in a bar and in the morning give her a call, you’re just shooting yourself in the foot. You have to give it sometime to show that you have things going on in your life. If you call too soon, it’s just a red flag that you really have nothing going on and you could fit her right in.

Don’t Be Obsessive

This is important… when you call, you could get an answering machine. Just so you know, sometimes women have things to do too. She might not call back for a while because she’s doing other things. Don’t call over and over again leaving messages.

Personally, I’ll call once and I won’t leave a message. I’ll try again later and leave a message if I don’t catch her. At this point I will wait a few days and make one last call. If nothing materializes than I just throw the number in the garbage.

A real great way to get past the obsessive like problems is to have many women with many numbers. You can always just call up someone else.

Wait A Few Days to Call

This is a pretty standard rule that I first learned about in the cult classic movie “Swingers”. It’s basically an industry standard for phone game.