Archive for January, 2009

How to Have a Successful Relationship

Sunday, January 11th, 2009

I wanted to share with you a few tips on how to have a successful relationship with someone. A lot of people don’t really have good relationships. The main reason they’re together is based on fear of being alone. It’s pretty sad that people will do this for the basis of comfort, rather than a loving relationship. Things like intimacy and connection are lost on some people and it is the most important part of a successful relationship. I’m going to show you exactly what you’re going to have to give to have a successful relationship.

Open Up

This is one of the scariest things a person can do. We live our lives hiding behind a mask. This mask is something that we show people in public, but it is also used to protect us from the judging that might occur if people know the real you. There are things deep inside of you that you feel, but haven’t told anyone. It can be tough to open up, but it is a prerequisite of intimate behavior. It’s something that you can learn to do by progressively doing it everyday. Tell a friend some deep down fear you have, even if it shows you as weak. This is what builds connections and you have to do it.

Touch

Physical touch has actually been proven to be something that will help you connect with someone. Think about how a great big hug makes you feel. The warmth and acceptance that is passed on in a non-verbal is really a connecting feeling. The idea of communication is to connect on as many levels as you possibly can. Touch is the easiest to do. Just reach out and touch someone while you’re talking. It might seem awkward at first, but you’ll get used to it.

Surprise

A surprise is always good because of the way it pumps chemicals in our brain. Sometimes surprising your wife with a romantic night out will recharge things. These happy chemicals that pump will be associated to the relationship. The surprise of the whole thing will build adrenalin. All these new feelings will give a high that is associated with the relationship. If you don’t have these surprising and spontaneous times, the relationship will get stagnant and mundane.

All these aspects are important to a successful relationship. You always have to open up the “real you” to someone. You need to reach out and physically touch someone. And you always have to be able to surprise someone to make them excited.

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The Cure For Shyness

Wednesday, January 7th, 2009

I wanted to talk to you about the cure for shyness. I think everyone understands what the cure is, but most think the medicine is worse than the disease. We all know that the cure for shyness is to just get out there and talk. You’ll eventually get over it.

It’s tough at first. You have a lot of things going against you.

1. Inertia

This is Newton’s simple law; objects in motion – stay in motion, objects not moving – remain not moving. You’re stuck with the shyness and it can really be hard to get moving. It’s very easy to get stuck in the trap and not get anywhere.

2. Negative Reinforcement

What motivates change is positive reinforcement, but since you’re shy, you’re going to have awkward conversations and it’s going to make you feel worse.

3. Your Place, in the world

Every relationship you have, has a dynamic. You have a position in your family, in your work relationships, with your friends, etc. In all these environments, you’re the shy guy. That’s just who you are. And it is very hard to change how others perceive you and you’ll naturally go back to fit that position.

With all those issues going against you, you still have to push forward. There is just no way around it. You have to go out everyday for an hour or two and just talk to strangers. It’s going to be awkward. You’re going to feel weird. You feel that way because you’re out of your comfort zone.

The cure for shyness is when you recognize this awkwardness as part of the process. You have to make a pledge to do it day after day for months, no matter how awkward or weird you feel. Eventually you’ll break some barriers in your mind and suddenly it isn’t awkward anymore. It isn’t weird. You don’t feel like a creep talking to strangers at the mall.

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