Archive for October, 2008

You Have to Make The First Move

Friday, October 31st, 2008

There is this huge dynamic between men and women, that a lot of men don’t really understand. It’s extremely easy to sum up; you have to have to make the first move. It just the way it works. Most women won’t make the first move even if they want to because they don’t think it’s very “lady like” or that you just don’t like them.

Women are more biologically driven to play passive and reactive role in the male-female interaction. It’s just the way it works. Men are supposed to play the active role, leading role, etc. And for a lot of guys that are more passive themselves this can be a difficult thing to overcome.

The good news here is that if you have this issue with women, than you probably have this issue in your day-to-day life, so it can be worked on regardless of what you’re doing. For a lot of this dating stuff, you have to be out with the opposite sex, but this time you can do it on your own.

Start Making Choices

I’m sure you’ve been with a friend or someone else and you guys have a choice; go to A or go to b? You say, “I don’t care, whatever”. The other person says, “Well, I don’t care.” And the conversation goes on like that until someone makes the choice.

From now on, you’re not going to do that. When the choice of going to A or B comes up – just pick one. If you don’t care either way, just pick one because it is going to be the same.

Get used to this idea of making choices. It’ll pay off in your life regardless if you’re dating.

Do Something You’ve Always Wanted to Do, but Haven’t

Pretty simple thing. Most people get stuck in that place where they’re “feeling” something out and aren’t making a choice. You have to make that choice and sometimes you have to push yourself into it.

Maybe you wanted to go skydiving – well, go skydiving.
Maybe you wanted to start a home business – well, go to the government building to register a business, it costs $100, get over it.

Start making choices now and be assertive.

The Best Pick Up Lines

Thursday, October 30th, 2008

I wanted to share with you the best pick up lines that I have ever come across with the ladies…

  • Hey
  • Hello
  • Hi
  • Hey, I’m Chris

I guess I built up to much anticipation promising the best pick up lines, but there is a point I’m making – the best lines are the ones that start a conversation – that’s it. You’re not going to ramble off some cheesy line and she’ll immediately be seduced by you.

The reality of the situation is that what you first say really doesn’t matter. Yeah, first impressions do matter, but a female is going to pick up on your body language before the first words come out of your mouth.

Getting on the good side of a female is all about opening your mouth and having a conversation and “Hi” or “hello” is good enough for it. You can’t convey personality or who you are in the first 10 seconds you meet someone, so get out of that frame of mind.

Your goal is to just get in a conversation with a person and that only requires an introduction. After you’re in the conversation, you can let the personality showcase who you are. You can learn about who she is too. Don’t be a dirtbag.

The best pick up lines are the ones that do their job – grab attention. The truth is that everyone has been trained to respond to specific words. Their name, fire, and hello.

Self Confidence For Men

Wednesday, October 29th, 2008

There is a really good saying that I heard. I don’t remember where it came from or who said it, but I thought it was pretty decent. “Fake it until you make it“. I’m sure you heard of Anthony Robbins who does that self-help stuff, he has said that if you do the physical actions of something you’d normal feel, than you’ll start to feel it. For example, if you’re having a down day and put on a smile, you’ll feel better.

Well, I don’t believe in the whole “positive thinking” and “The Secret” mentality that if you think it, it will manifest. I believe that actions change thinking and that’s what I want to do to help you get self confidence. Let’s be real, you can do all the positive thinking in the world, but it’s not going to give you confidence.

It’s Okay to be Unavailable

There are guys out there that will jump onto any piece of attention that comes there way from a female. This is what we call desperation and women have a real good eye for identifying this.

Here’s how a confident guy is – they have other things going on. If a girl calls you up and asks if you want to hang out, if you’re always available she’s going to assume that you don’t really have a life and you don’t have other things to do. It’s not a bad thing to say “sorry, I’m a little busy”.

This is the way you need to look at it; you have your life and women can be a part of it.

This is the wrong way to look at it; my life is getting a woman.

Don’t Talk so Fast

Talking fast is a way of saying that you lack confidence. The reason people do this is that they’re afraid people are going to lose attention and forget about them, so they just blurt it out as fast as possible.

Slow down and just speak slower. It can work in your favor because it can build anticipation. If you slow down and make pauses at the right times people will really gravitate to you.

Not Everyone Has to Like You

This was a hard one for me to get over. I was always trying to please people and be on their good side. I’m not sure if that constitutes a lack of self confidence, but it’s something that you need to learn. It’s a lose battle trying to stay on the good side of everyone. You start to end up living for others instead of yourself.

I hope these tips will help you become a self confident man.

Speed Dating Advice

Tuesday, October 28th, 2008

I wanted to give some speed dating advice for this new craze. I’m sure you’ve all heard of it and if you haven’t, it’s basically a fast way to have a lot of mini dates in a short period of time. You typically meet up at a place where you can sit down. Basically you have either the men or the women stay in the same place. Every 2 minutes, you move to the next table and you hypothetically start a new date.

Obviously be this set up, you can see there are some huge problems and the biggest is that you only have 2 minutes. How do you make an impression in 2 minutes? How do you get to know someone in that amount of time?

Don’t Ask The Resume Questions

You can bet that just about every other guy there has asked the same old questions; What is your name? What do you do? etc. People aren’t defined by their job title, so why even start there.

Try asking something a little different. Something that will catch her off guard, but is still a fun question. “What did you want to be when you were a child?”

Body Language, Body Language, Body Language

Body language is important for any date, but it is extra important when you’re doing speed dating. You don’t have much in the verbal to make impressions, so it is your body language that has to speak. Put on a smile, sit up straight and push your chest out. Don’t forget about eye contact.

Touch

You may not have much time to bond, but when you physically touch a person you’re making a connection. I’m not saying “touch”, you have to not do this like a creep. Just make an appropriate touch when the conversation warrants it. Touch her arm, touch her shoulder. When you touch – you make a connection.

These are some very simple to follow speed dating advice and as usual it is typically the little things that are going to make the difference. Give speed dating a try and see if you like it. You may be surprised.

Dating Shyness

Monday, October 27th, 2008

There is a lot of guys out there that are pretty shy. Dating while being shy is a pretty tough thing. You’re feeling pretty intimidated and it can take sometime for a guy to loosen up.

Dating shyness is tough and most people don’t understand it. Shyness is a concept where you’re not necessarily quiet, just around new people. It’s a self-conscious thing where they don’t want to make mistakes or project a bad image. It takes sometime for this person to actually lighten up and than the real person comes out. I know this because I was shy.

There is nothing you’ll be able to do to get past this dating shyness in a short period of time. It’s something that you’ll learn to get past as you start going out more. Sorry – no quick fixes. The good news is that there are some other things you can do.

You’ve probably noticed that two strangers might suddenly have a long spontaneous conversation, yet that doesn’t happen to you. The main reason for that can be body language.

Open Up Your Body Language

  • Stand Up Straight
  • Uncross Your Arms
  • Make Eye Contact
  • Smile!
  • Lean Back

The way you speak and your tonality is also important. You’re probably experienced people losing attention sometimes, while other people get a very attentive audience no matter how devoid the conversation is.

Verbal

Dating Shyness and shyness in general won’t disappear with these tips. It takes time. You have to put yourself out there and let people hear you. These tips will help you have more positive reactions and this will lead to great experiences – that inevitably break shyness.

Good Dating Tips

Saturday, October 25th, 2008

I wanted to take some time to share with you some good dating tips that can really help you transform your dating experience. A lot of guys just don’t seem to have that instinct when it comes to having one. They just don’t get how things are supposed to work and usually results in them losing out.

1. No Flowers, Candy, Etc

This is so important especially when you first start seeing her. There’s only two ways for a woman to interpret this; first – you think you can buy her affection and she probably doesn’t like that; second – she sees you as some chump that she can use. That’s the reality of the situation and it applies to a lot of things.

Take buying drinks for girls at a bar. They have the same view. Women look at it as you’re trying to buy their affection, while others go to the bar with the intention of using guys for drinks.

You have to be the guy that isn’t going to buy her things for the sake of buying. She has to earn it.

2. No Dinners Early

Another no-no when you first start dating is going out for dinner (a fancy dinner). That’s basically the fastest way to go broke. Seriously, think about it logically. Do you think you should be spending a lot of money on a woman that you’re not even sure likes you or that you’re going to like them?

When you first start dating, you’re sort of seeing how things go. That doesn’t mean you have to invest all this money into it.

3. Have Fun

Stop trying to keep things formal because it makes it awkward for everyone and it brings more pressure to the whole dating experience. What you want is less pressure, so it’s just easy and fun.

Do something that is fun, not something that is a “date”.

I hope these good dating tips will help you out.

Do You Know How to Flirt?

Friday, October 24th, 2008

Flirting is an extremely important part of dating and it’s something that most of us are naturally wired to know how to do. But there seems to be a group of us in society that happen to be pretty clueless when it comes to doing this. I’m not sure if it is something that we didn’t learn because of society or parents, but we don’t have it.

Flirting is defined as… a form of human interaction between two people, expressing a romantic and/or sexual interest. I didn’t think such a thing could be taught because flirting isn’t exactly a straight forward concept. It’s quite unorthodox and doesn’t follow set guidelines, but I have found a very good way of looking at it.

Flirting is Banter

Banter is defined as… fun, playful and spontaneous conversation. It is something that has more teasing, a more fun atmosphere and that isn’t that hard to do.

The key is a little role playing. The idea of role playing might be a little difficult at first, but you can really run with it once you get it. I’ve done this many times at a bar where I pushed a girl into the role of “my girlfriend”. Remember this is fun and playful, not some creep. And playfully talk like how the role should be. It’s fun and she’ll get into it too.

The key here is fun because you both have to enjoy it. You both have to vibe with it and as you she seems to get more into it, you can always fill it more with innuendos related to sex and things of that nature.

Don't Try So Hard

Thursday, October 23rd, 2008

I think one of the biggest turn offs for women are guys that seem to try hard to impress them. It’s not that you’re a bad guy, it’s just it screams insecurity. Chicks are into guys that are confident and when you’re really trying too hard, the insecurities really start to show.

Telling a guy to be confident isn’t that easy. It’s not like you can flick a switch and become confident. It’s something that happens to a person that is proud of themselves and doesn’t need to gloat about it. I’m sure everyone gets confidence and it’s just something that comes with time.

In the meantime, you might want to cut back on trying so hard. It just shows how insecure you really are. There is an unbelievable amount of things that guys will do and you just got to stop doing it.

Incongruence

This probably sums up everything that turns off a woman. All guys that try too hard are in some way incongruent with the image they’re presenting. It’s sort of sad because most of these guys won’t stop doing it. I applaud them for having the balls for putting themselves out there, but if you’ve ever seen a guy do it at a bar, you probably could feel it. Well, women are very good at feeling this incongruent behavior.

For example, if you’re trying to show a woman how much of an exciting life you live, but your body language comes off with no energy and your tonality is monotone, than you’re very incongruent and the people around you can feel it.

I’m sure you’ve met people that you thought were fake. Every time they come up and had a conversation with you, you’d slap on a friendly smile, but in the back of your head you were thinking they were weird. It’s just part of human nature.

Be Congruent

You may not live an exciting life and you may not think that you’re “cool”, but be congruent. You’re going to get further being real, than you will by being fake.

If you feel your life isn’t that exciting, you could always try something you never done before. Do something exciting and than you don’t have to be incongruent when you’re telling that story.

Are You Dependent and Clingy to Relationships?

Wednesday, October 22nd, 2008

This isn’t a problem I’ve ever had, but there are a lot of people out there that do. It’s mainly something the female demographic do, but I’m sure there are plenty of guys that do this too. When I say “dependent and clingy”, I don’t mean it in the traditional way, I meant it like you need to be in a relationship.

Can’t Not Be in a Relationship

There are people that literally can’t be alone. They’re just always in a relationship. They’re always with a girlfriend and you’ve never seen them single. These are the people that sort of scare me bit because I don’t think from an emotional point of view that they’re of sound thought.

Relationship Hoppers

This is a common thing for women. I think most people can tell when they’re past the point of no return. They want out. But there are people out there that will hang on to their current relationship while they build one behind the scenes with another. I find such an activity disrespectful since it is so dishonest, but it happens. It typically means they’re off dating someone else, while they’re still with you, with the intention of breaking up when they’re set up for another relationship.

What I think…

Dare to be alone? Seriously, if you can’t live alone, than you’re not ready for a relationship. Your happiness, your confidence, your self-esteem, your self-worth, your desires and dreams are not defined by who you are with. If you’re a person that isn’t happy while you’re single, than a relationship isn’t going to make that magically disappear.

I know that we have a natural gravitation to bond with others and grow an intimate relationship, but a lot of people turn this into a dependence on what will inevitably define who they are. I view relationships as negotiations. If you can’t walk away from the table, than how can you have a good deal? If you’re dependent, than you’re always going to be put at a disadvantage for it.

I’m not saying that you should naturally strive to be alone. What I’m saying is that you should be able to live alone and be happy. Once you make it to that point you’re able to have a healthy relationship because you’re an equal – not a dependent.

The Interactions of Dating

Tuesday, October 21st, 2008


I think there is a lot of guys out there that really don’t understand how interactions should work on a date. A lot make mistakes, a lot are missing the points and a lot are missing the queues. It is sort of sad in away, but there are very specific expectations that you should meet so that you can at least have a tolerable date.

Interactions Are 50-50

For some reason there is a lot of misconceptions out there about how you’re supposed to interact with each other. A lot of guys assume that you just ask her some questions and let her talk. It may seem like a smart thing to do, especially if she likes to talk, but you’re not going to emotionally connect that way.

Conversely, a lot of guys will try and fill the silence by talking. Making 90% of the interaction isn’t exactly going to get you anywhere because it’s obvious she’s not engaging.

The fact is that you want to have a 50-50 interaction. It may not be that way at the start, but that is what it should naturally gravitate toward. There needs to be give and take. There needs to be sharing and listening. It’s just part of the process of creating that emotional connection.

If you take a woman out on a date and you’re making 90% of the conversation I’d probably move on. The only way I wouldn’t do it is if I knew she was really shy. The same is true if the woman is doing 90% of the talking. You may think you’re getting somewhere, but you’re really not. And trust me, it gets annoying after awhile.

Force Her to Open Up

A lot of guys will start asking questions trying to get her to open up and the problem with that is they don’t ask the right kinds of questions.

Where do you work? What school do you go to? Do you like the music? Etc

These are all straight forward answers that can typically be answered with one or two words. If that’s your idea of opening them up, than you really need to reevaluate things. The worst part about those questions is that they don’t tell you about a person. People aren’t defined by where they work or the school they went to.

Start asking more emotional open ended questions. Open ended questions are the ones that can’t be answered with one or two words. They require an investment on the part of the person asked. The cool part about such questions is that you can really hit those emotional responders that build connections.

What is your life long dream?

No one can answer that question with just yes or no, they have to invest in an answer – which builds an interaction. You don’t have to be serious though. Have fun and enjoy it.

To note, don’t just fire off open ended question after open ended question. The interaction is 50-50 and you need to share too.